


You Were Only Waiting For This Moment To Arrive

by Rudderless



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alexandria Safe-Zone, Father/Son, Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, References to the Beatles, Sad, angsty, not a song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 14:39:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6961057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rudderless/pseuds/Rudderless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Carl was a baby and would fuss all through the night, Lori would wrap him in one of her shirts, hold him close and sing Blackbird by the Beatles. The first few times it took a while to sooth the crying baby but soon it became instantaneous that when Lori would sing, Carl would quiet and fall back asleep. Even as the world ends, the song brings Carl-and Rick--peace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Were Only Waiting For This Moment To Arrive

**Author's Note:**

> Someone on Tumblr wanted me to write a fic where Carl gets shot in Alexandria and what Rick's reaction would be. Somehow this is what came to my mind. This was before the last season, even though I knew what would happen. Also, I in no way was happy writing this. I even cried.

When Carl was a baby and would fuss all through the night, Lori would wrap him in one of her shirts, hold him close and sing Blackbird by the Beatles. The first few times it took a while to sooth the crying baby but soon it became instantaneous that when Lori would sing, Carl would quiet and fall back asleep.  
  
Carl fell off his bike when he was four. He chipped a tooth, scrapped his elbow and busted up his knee pretty bad. Rick's the one who carried him inside and settled him down on the closed toilet seat while Lori followed behind with a first aid kit. The kid was screaming, feeling the pain and fear more than it was really there. Rick didn't know what to do, so he stood in the doorway while Lori hummed softly, whipping away the cuts and kissing the Band-Aids over the boo-boos until Carl's cries turned into a wobbling lip and hiccups. They went out for ice cream to relieve that tooth and Carl was riding his bike the next day.  
  
Carl always got ear infections. Doctors say some kids are more prone to them. When he was six, he got one in each ear, the left worse than right and would not sleep for the life of him. The meds made the pain dull but Carl refused to rest. Lori, always the one standing her ground when Carl asks to sleep in their bed during storms, sleeps in their son’s bed for a week. Rick would go check on them each night, sometimes to find Lori threading her fingers through Carl's long hair while she sang as light as wind. Other times Carl was reading her a book or she would make up a story. On the last night of the infection, all three of them piled into Carl's race car bed and Rick fell asleep to his wife's soft voice.  
  
When Carl gets shot, Lori doesn't leave their side. She wipes his forehead with a wet cloth, brushes both their hair back and out of their sweat. When Rick slips in and out of consciousness, he hears Lori whispering sweet things like waterfalls and dandelions and how the world is gonna fall back into place, is gonna remain good as long as Carl is in it. She's trying not to cry and though Carl's asleep, it's clear he's uncomfortable. Rick thinks she sings blackbird for her own comfort, but the tension in Carl's body slips away and Rick doesn't feel as light headed anymore.  
  
He has never been so angry at two people in his whole life. He's never felt such hatred for his own wife before now. But Shane's dead and Carl is angry at him and Lori is growing with each passing day. Rick feels like he has no one anymore. He hates her but he still loves her, so he sleeps in Lori's cell every so often. He checks on Carl's cell before wondering past hers and hears her talking to her belly. She says things are going to be okay because she's got a strong daddy to look out for her and a brave brother and a mommy that's going to love her no matter what. Rick doesn't know he's crying until Lori whispers she loves the baby and says that if she's ever afraid, to sing Blackbird and everything will be alright. He loves her a little more than he hates her.  
  
That first night that Rick holds Judith, that first night that he feels just slightly more like himself, he breaths her in and closes his eyes and cries to himself while trying not to make a sound. Carl is asleep in the cot across from him and the moon's the only things making it possible for Judith's big round eyes to take in her dad's. Rick's rocking back and forth, on the verge of a panic attack and though she squeals a bit, he holds her as close against his chest as he can. He can't tell when his held in sobs turns into a hummed melody in his chest. He repeats the lyrics like they’re a prayer and if anyone had heard he would swear it was for the baby's benefit.  
  
They're hiding out in the barn, no longer in danger of the storm but Walkers are wondering too close to comfort. Judith is crying out of fear and possibly hunger and though he hates himself, he can't stop thinking about that old man who spoke to his class in high school about the holocaust and how when hiding from Nazis , a woman held her hand over her own babies mouth to keep them from finding all 30 of them. The thought and ache in his stomach drive Rick insane but through the tapping on the roof from remaining rain and the moans of the dead outside, he can hear his son shush his sister and sees him rocking her in a bouncing stance that he's only seen Shane do when Carl was that small. Carl starts singing Blackbird and suddenly Judith and the rest of the barn go still.  
  
They've been in Alexandria for what he assumes is months before an attack happens. Someone left the gate open or opened it purposefully. The residences have been training with Rick's group since Pete went crazy but they're not prepared for this. Many are falling around him and through the red haze Rick tries to find his son. It's not until night has settled and the remaining walkers are killed that Rick finds Carl being carried over by Daryl. The memory of a blond girl in those arms makes Rick's blood run cold. Carl's transferred over to his arms without his knowledge and his knees give out with grief.  
  
Carl is thirteen when he gets bit. It's on his arm, deep and pulsing and Rick can't breathe. Carl's letting out soft groans and little cries but can't open his eyes more than a centimeter. Rick's vaguely aware that he's sobbing hysterically, that Daryl is still behind him and crying as well. All Rick is sure of his that his baby boy is dying and Lori is not here to make it better.  
  
"B-Blackbird singing in the d-dead of night," Rick chokes through, feeling his body tremble at the fifth word. He curls himself around Carl and holds on tight. "Take these broken wings and learn to fly."  
  
As Rick feels the last breathe brush against his face, hears that air escape dry lips, he breaks down completely. Somewhere above him, he thinks he hears Lori's voice and feels her fingers throw his hair.  
  
_You were only waiting for this moment to arrive._

**Author's Note:**

> don't hate me, is all I can say.


End file.
